We are told we will be good and right if we just do as we’re told. For many, there was no nurture to show us we are loved just for being. We must do to earn love. So we do and we do, and we might find praise and acceptance, but our hearts are empty. You can earn respect, but love is a gift that must be given.
Someone tells us of this God who so loved the world that He sent his only Son. (Perhaps by the very ones who demand our performance.) But by then our empty hearts have filled up with all manner of disappointment, gloom, bitterness, and resentment. We are full of anger because they said we’d be loved and we weren’t. Possibly, they just ignored us. Somehow we know that we were supposed to be loved. What is wrong with us that we were not?
Now the junk keeps us from God. We hold onto anger, bitterness, and pride. We do it our way to show we can make something of ourselves. We rail at losses and the failure of others to deliver what we want. We turn to work, to sex, to drugs, to alcohol to bring pleasure to dull the pain.
We have to come clean, but how? For each person, there comes a time of brokenness, a window of opportunity to see just how much of a mess we’ve made of ourselves. We can no longer blame other people or systems of government or even God for where we are. Behind me are only my footsteps. In that window, the choice is to change or to stay the same.
I chose change. I asked God to help me, but in fact He was helping me even before I asked. Now, He’s been cleaning me up, revealing destructive habits—some call them sins—which I can choose to hang onto or leave behind. The more repentance I embrace, the more I change. Scripture says that if you draw near to God, He will draw near to you.
Here’s what happens when He comes near: You want Him. You want His ways. You come to know His love. You read His word, you ingest His promises, and you grow strong inside knowing your heavenly Father loves you and will work all things for your good. He will walk you through suffering. He will teach you patience. He will grant you the gifts of His spirit and incredible joy.
The pain in your heart melts away.
Now you have new strength. When those old devils come whispering, telling you that someone has wronged you and there must be revenge! you can take the low road and let it go. When the demons of self hate insist you are nothing, nobody, no good, and will never amount to anything, you have the peace to face them down and make them wither. Their torment ends.
Resist the devil and He will flee from you. But first, submit yourself to God. (James 4:7)
Then our life will shine like the son we follow. Then we know love.
The Agony of Victory 